Caregiver Tips

Feel Good and Reduce the Clutter

2005-09-24T13:08:00.000-07:00

Give to your favorite charity and also reduce the clutter in your home. Are you holding on to old clothing, toys, books, or other items that you think you might use sometime in the future? Have these things taken over your life, your space, and your peace of mind?

Get a bag or some boxes and gather up all of your treasures. Make some room in your life and share your wealth with others. Donate your old clothing, books, and usable items.

You will feel rich because you have shared. You will feel free because you have more space. You will feel happy because it was so easy.

Take care,

Jo Cavanaugh

Coulda - Woulda - Shoulda

2005-08-14T09:03:00.000-07:00

" There's no such thing as coulda, shoulda, or woulda. If you shoulda and coulda, you woulda done it. " ~ Pat Riley

Be your best. Being your best means that you don't look back and wish for a do-over.
Being your best means that you don't look to the future and hope for a second chance.

Be your best right now and at the end of the day you will know that you did all that you could do. When you focus on being your best right now you have more energy and resources because your only focus is on the now.

Take care,

Jo Cavanaugh

Embrace Your Anger

2005-08-10T08:37:00.000-07:00

How many times have you heard someone say, "He's angry, I wouldn't go in there right now." So you avoided the anger and the person? Did you learn that anger is to be avoided? Did you learn that anger was bad or unpleasant?

Anger is an honest emotion. Anger isn't the villain. It is the way people respond to anger that creates problems. Anger can be a very easy way to recognize that we are over extended, tired, or not taking care of ourselves. One easy way to test this is to pay attention to when you become angry.

Embrace your anger and let it be your gauge so that you will have better information about what you enjoy and how you are feeling. Let it be your indicator that you may need to reduce your commitments or take time to rest and recharge.

Use anger as a way to confront and work through problems. Embrace anger as a gift... not something to be ignored or avoided. See anger as a friend that will tell you there are things that need attention.

Take care,

Jo Cavanaugh

Let's Talk

2005-08-03T17:42:00.000-07:00

You are not alone with your caregiving. One in four households is providing care for someone over the age of 55. Deal with the changes, frustrations and stress by talking about your cares, concerns, and fears. Let's Talk

Sign up for a complimentary half hour of conversation and support. Spring forward into action to provide more support, comfort, and time for you. Register Here

Take care,

Jo Cavanaugh

1-2-3.... Quick, easy and

2005-07-24T10:52:00.000-07:00

Quick, easy and impossible to forget -- Breathe.

Take a big deep breath. Feel your lungs expand and notice how your body comes alive with the breath.

Exhale and release your cares, worries, and the little nagging thoughts.

Inhale again and feel how much lighter you feel.

Exhale and release your sadness, guilt, and troubling thoughts.

Inhale for the third time and feel the love and joy that is possible with three simple breaths.

Exhale and realize that you can do this at any time, any where.

Take care,

Jo Cavanaugh

Pace yourself with Nature

2005-07-07T23:17:00.000-07:00

Are you enjoying the lazy days of summer? Have you walked barefoot and dipped your toes into the pool or pond? Have you grabbed your fishing pole and heading off to your favorite fishing hole?

Nature sets a lovely pace and makes dramatic recommendations about how to spend our time. During the lazy and hot days of July take time to pace yourself with nature. Relax and enjoy the beauty and peace of a warm summer day.

Take the time to enjoy the sunshine,

Jo Cavanaugh

Today is Tomorrow's Memory

2005-07-02T01:38:00.000-07:00

One of my fond memories is when I would go out with my family and fly kites. I can drive to the beach and watch families fly kites near my home.

Find some activity that you can do with your family today. Enjoy an old fashioned ice cream sundae, fly a kit, or enjoy a movie or songfest.

There is no better time to make memories than now.

Take care,

Jo Cavanaugh

I'm Going to Make a Sand Castle

2005-06-28T10:04:00.000-07:00

Remember that life is a playground not a battlefield. You are never too old to be child-like. So I've decided to do the adult/child thing and get some tips on building sand castles.

I live in San Diego County, California so I have the best resources for sand castle construction. I'm going to go to the 2005 U.S. Open Sandcastle Competition. Check out the festivities here.

What wonderful thing did you do as a child that you want to try again as an adult?
Don't let the number on your birth certificate determine how you enjoy life. Be the creative, open, and fearless child that lives inside of you.

Take care,

Jo Cavanaugh

911 -- Send in the Laugh Doctor

2005-06-26T02:25:00.000-07:00

If we can laugh at it, we can live with it. - Erma Bombeck

Do you suffer from a bad case of serious? When was the last time you heard your own laughter?

Take a moment to recall a time when you had your funny bone tickled. Real the comics in the paper or subscribe to a joke a day internet service.

Give yourself the gift of laughter. A good laugh can provide just the release to recharge and renew your spirits.

Set a trend. Your new exercises are to help develop laugh lines.

Take care,

Jo Cavanaugh

Play the Glad Game

2005-06-25T12:59:00.000-07:00

Dear Jo,

The Glad Game is good and I used it and many other things to help me through the stress of caring for my dying brother last year. I found that the movie Finding Nemo help me. I watched the movie a lot because Dorie and Ellen's voice saying, "...swimming, swimming, swimming, even when it's dark and scary... sure bad things might happen... but if you just keep swimming you will get through."

I love that movie. I'm still trying to be glad about things and keep swimming. My brother died almost a year ago and I am still caring for my 77 year old father. I have lots of swimming to do. -- Lola

Learn more about the Glad Game and how you can keep your head above water while you are "....swimming, swimming, swimming."

Take care,

Jo Cavanaugh

Thank You Michael Jordan

2005-06-24T09:13:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I shed some tears today. I keep thinking that I have moved beyond the sadness over the passing of my husband. I've decided that grief is just part of being human and the tears quickly turned into a chuckle over a sweet memory.

I was cleaning out the garage and looking for things to give Salvation Army for their donation. I had forgotten that I put my husbands "briefs" in a bag in one of the storage lockers.

I opened the black plastic bag and the memories came flooding back. I'm sure you all remember the Hanes® TV commercial when Michael Jordan is changing in the locker room and he has on a pair of red "briefs." Well not only was the TV commercial a sensory pleasure, it also motivated my husband. He decided that he wanted to start wearing red briefs.

Being a loyal and confirmed Munsingwear® customer. I went on a search to find red briefs. I found a wonderful store , Gustwiller's Online that sold multi-color Munsingwear® briefs. Not the vivid tomato red of Hanes® but a more conservative burgundy.

They worked. The briefs became a "must wear" for doctor appointments or any dress up occasion. So don't forget... We all walk taller in a pair of sexy underwear.

Take care,

Jo Cavanaugh

Jello Counts Too

2005-06-14T12:50:00.000-07:00

It is getting warm here in San Diego County. Today we had record heat and it brings up a good reminder about drinking water.

Do you get your eight glasses of liquids each day? Were you aware that jello, pudding, and soup also classify as liquids. I wasn't until I read an article on Congestive Heart Failure and liquid intake.

Make sure that you drink plenty of water now that the weather is warming up. Make sure that your care receiver is also drinking water, juices, and liquids. Dehydration is a real danger with the elderly or for the ill.

Cheers. Let's lift a glass of water in a toast to great Self Care.

Take care,

Jo Cavanaugh

Gratitude is an Attitude

2005-06-10T08:52:00.000-07:00

I find that the more that I think about what I am grateful for the more I have to be grateful for. I grew up watching Doris Day and Rock Hudson movies and thought that was what love and romantic life was suppose to be.

Well I don't have that movie script life and knowing what I know now, I don't think it would make me happy. I just know that I'm grateful for what I do have.

Thank you for being part of that life. I realize that my life is filled with the richness of caring people, loving friends, and the beauty of awareness. If we just look there is so much to appreciate.

Make a list of what you are grateful for. I bet when you get started you won't want to stop. Let people know that you are grateful for them this month.

Take care,

Jo Cavanaugh

May is ALS Awareness Month

2005-05-25T12:01:00.000-07:00

Linda shares her story of caring for her husband who was diagnosed with ALS. This is a reprint from "Caregiver Tips(c)".

May is ALS awareness month. My name is Linda and my husband has ALS.

In March of 2002, a neurologist told us that my husband Joe had Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS) or Lou Gehrig's disease. We had gone in to find out why he was talking differently.

I thought that he had a stroke. When the first doctor that we saw asked my husband to come in with me at the end of the week of testing, we suspected that it wasn't good news, but were not prepared for diagnosis of a terminal illness that had no cure and no treatment.

To make matters worse, the doctor told us that Joe had three to five years to live which was not up to date or complete information!

This illness can be very quick, but some people live a long life (20-40 years when one is diagnosed at 40 is just about that).

The first thing we did was call Joe's parents to please come and help us with the kids. We were in shock and could not think straight. At the time of diagnosis our children were 8, 6, and twin 2 year olds. We had to go home and pretend that nothing unusual had happened that day.

We weren't prepared to tell the children anything and so waited until we had our second opinion and found out more about the illness ourselves. It has been one year since our dreadful day at the doctors. We have been to specialists and were told what to expect and how to talk to the children. A counselor at the ALS clinic in San Antonio told us to tell the children that it was a muscle illness. The word illness isn't as scary as the word disease.

We recently told our oldest, who is now 9, that some people can die from the illness or live a full life and elaborated on Joe's current symptoms. In one year my husband health has declined dramatically and it sometimes feels like the first doctor was right. Joe's speech is hard to understand; he had lost almost over fifty pounds, and now shows signs of muscle degeneration in all parts of his body.

It took me almost nine months to fight the depression, but Joe only seemed to feel low the first week or two. We were told that this is normal; that the spouse of the ill person usually experiences the depression and feelings of hopelessness.

There have been blessings along the way and I take time to ponder them almost daily. We were given the gift of time:

time to heal wounds that we had in our marriage,
time to show each other how much we love and care about each other,
time to cherish our children together and make family videos,
time to teach our children about what to expect and
time for them and us to prepare for the future.

Some people aren't as fortunate and die in an instant with unfinished business that haunts the survivor(s). Sometimes I think the price was very high for the happiness we have found. Other times I feel blessed for the gifts that we were granted.

How do we keep our chins up? I exercise to keep depression away and my health strong. Joe is current with all the latest research on ALS. I decided that I would treat this illness like a long-term illness that involved life changes and prepared to be a part of the care involved by joining support groups and learning about disabilities.

I also returned to school to prepare for the time when I would become the breadwinner of the family. It has been hard to ask for and accept help from others without feelings of quilt and the need to reciprocate.

I try to remember that when I help others, I don't expect anything in return. This week we are meeting with people from church that want to assess how they can help us. Three different churches are helping us with different areas of support. We are learning how to receive.

Thank you Linda for sharing your story, your courage,and your tips on self care. You are an inspiration to all caregivers. I am so glad that you talked about learning to receive. It seems to be a big challenge for many caregivers.

Take care,

Jo Cavanaugh

Caregiving Compassion

2005-05-23T11:37:00.000-07:00

Here is another tip that was shared by a caregiver. We all need a reminder to make sure that we are caregiving with compassion.

I personally think the best prevention for burnout in any aspect of life including caregiving is simply:

Always remembering to work from your heart with compassion.
Compassion not only for those that you care for, but also for your self.

I am the primary caregiver/house manger of a elderly group home. I live on-site, work 60+ hours a week, and on top of that get up with them at night.

People have asked me time and time again how "I do it?", and I simply said "I love them."

No more questions were asked. They got the picture -- compassion.
Regina

Thank you for sharing your tip Regina.

Take care,

Jo Cavanaugh

Moving a patient in bed when you don't have a draw sheet

2005-05-18T12:21:00.000-07:00

Many times a caregiver is faced with the problem of the person having scooted to far toward the foot of the bed, and pulling him back up is difficult because of the weight, the friction, and the poor body mechanics involved.

I have found that if the person can be rolled onto his side, a slick surface can be inserted which will make the sliding much easer. Use 2 garbage bags that are long enough to reach from the coccyx to the top of the shoulders. With the person sidelying, insert the bags lengthwise so that when he is rolled onto his back his weight is on the two bags. He can be raised toward the head of the bedby whatever technique you have been using, with much less effort as the bottom bag tends to stick to the bed sheet, and the top bag tends to stick to the person, leaving the two surfaces of the bags to slide easily.
Remember to take the bags out immediately after the lift as they could couse skin break down if left in contact.

Rich Allsop

Create an Oasis where you can recharge

2005-05-10T09:11:00.000-07:00

I have made a quiet, private spot for myself in my bedroom - it's a small corner but it is all mine. I have a comfortable easy chair between 2 windows and have placed my books and a favorite picture there. I also have a small bag of stress-reliever scented potpourri there and a radio nearby. I find it my little oasis and to sit there helps me to unwind. I try to just use this spot to unwind and not do other work there.

Bernice

Create an oasis for your renewall today.

Take care,

Jo Cavanaugh

Do You Have A Magic Mirror?

2005-05-06T12:44:00.000-07:00

My husband is a 2 1/2 year survivor of GBM IV - inoperable.

We have gotten a batch of those wash off markers. Keep them in the bathroom. You will be amazed at the silly notes you start leaving for one another on the bathroom mirror.

I cherish them. I have even taken a picture of the mirror.

Carol

Ask for What You Want

2005-05-04T12:51:00.000-07:00

Oh how life would be if we could read minds. Just think what we could "hear" with your increased senses.

We would know when someone wanted something.
We would know the "truth" about how we look in our new dress.
We would also know that most people want to help but don't know how.

So until we learn how to read minds. Make it easy on all of the people in your life that want to help. Ask for what you want.

Start developing your "Asking" muscles. Begin slowly and start with small or trivial requests. This will help you develop your technique to determine what you want and how to ask for it. Experience is the best teacher.

Once you are comfortable with the small requests, start to ask for larger or more interesting things, how about an hour of respite? Someone to do the shopping? A hot cooked meal without your involvement?

We will never get what we want unless we ask.

Take care,

Jo

Ding Dong - Do You Hear a Chime?

2005-05-02T08:00:00.000-07:00

My mother came to live with me two years ago, now 89. She is in a wheelchair and we set her up immediately with two doorbells. One was attached to her bed and the other she can wear or keep near her while in her regular chairs.

If she needs to summon anyone it is very easy for her. The one ringer was set for her and the chime for the regular doorbells. It has worked beautifully as we can not be at earshot at all times.

Lucie

The Caregiving Tightrope

2005-04-29T12:37:00.000-07:00

It is very easy in these days off Internet access & information gathering to spend too much time on the computer. I was spending much of the day & night on the internet trying to educate myself on any number of issues regarding the care of my loved one. I then found myself ignoring some of my own basic needs because I was afraid I would miss something by logging off.

My tip is Log Off. The information will be there when you get back. Take a breather and take care of yourself for a while.

Jean

There are many wonderful resources and places for caregiver support on the internet. It is a great resource but even too much chocolate will make you sick. So take Jean's tip to heart and make sure that you are log off and talk with friends and family as a way to also find support.

Take care,

Jo Cavanaugh

Forgive Yourself First

2005-04-25T12:35:00.000-07:00

Always forgive yourself for mistakes you feel you made.
Sometimes we can be our own source of stress for not doing this.

We have to remember that no one is perfect, we make mistakes,
so forgive others, but foremost forgive yourself.

Mary

What a wonderful gift to give ourselves. Try a little forgiveness.

Take care,

Jo Cavanaugh

The Secret Society of Caregivers - Over 50 Million Strong in the US

2005-04-22T11:23:00.000-07:00

Over 50 million people are caregivers for loved-ones each year in the United States. So the next time you step into a crowded elevator, or are standing in line for a movie, about one in every four adults around you is a caregiver for a family member, friend, significant-other, or neighbor.

So why is it that we don't hear more about caregiving? Why is the caregiver population so under represented and under informed about community services, government programs, or sources of help?

Caregiving isn't sexy. The act of providing care doesn't sell newspapers or attract viewers. Caregivers are a "secret society". We just provide support and nurture on a daily basis, never realizing that there are others that sharing the same experience ... over 50 Million others!

There are others that have gone before us. We are not exploring new territory. There is a wealth of knowledge and experience that we can tap. We just need a way to connect and find each other.

So welcome to the softer side of caregiving. A perspective where you can have a life and still manage your caregiving. Join me in the adventure of caregiving and meet fellow members of our esteemed club.

Take care,

Jo Cavanaugh

P.S. What to know more about caregivers and who we are in the US? You can find more information at the National Family Caregivers association website:
Family Caregiver Stats

Put Some Spring Into Your Step

2005-03-22T15:42:00.000-08:00

Self care starts, ends, and middles with movement and physical exercise. Now that the days are getting longer and warmer it is the perfect time to begin to walk again. Not just walks to the mail box, but walks that take you around the neighborhood.

Stroll with your spouse, friend, or neighbor and see what is new in your area. Make it an opportunity to get some exercise and also a way to reconnect with the neighborhood.

Notice the birds that flock in your area, the plants and trees, and who has a new lawn or house paint. Its a great way to tour your area and get fit at the same time.

Take care,

Jo Cavanaugh

In Like a Lion ... Out Like a Lamb

2005-03-11T13:18:00.000-08:00

It's March and time to plan on where and when you are going to go kite flying. If you haven't watched the kites at your local park, take some time to plan an outing as the weather turns warmer.

Still too cold to think about kites and outdoor activities? Then plan a picnic and have a concert provided by the radio, a record, or CD. Don't wait to enjoy music and the relaxed atmosphere of a picnic. Treasure the times you have.

Take care,

Jo Cavanaugh

Daily Renewal

2005-02-24T12:41:00.000-08:00

Take time today to plant the seeds of self care and joy in your life. Spend a few moments reflecting on what you enjoy doing and make sure that you take a break for 15 minutes to an hour each day to do what make you feel good.

Walk, cook, read, or do crafts. Make a point of taking the time to do what gives you pleasure. You will be rewarded with the renewal and strength that self care brings. Take time for you.

Take care,

Jo Cavanaugh

Support Starts From Within

2005-02-18T15:33:00.000-08:00

Take a moment to reflect on the wonderful job that you are doing. You are unique and no one else can do what you are doing.

Turn off your inner critic. You always do your best and with a loving heart so why is there a need to pick or critique your actions?

Reflect on how loving and loyal you are for taking on the job of caregiving. Be your best friend. Be kind and loving to yourself.

Pat yourself on the back. Support starts from within.

Take care,

Jo Cavanaugh

Add some Seasoning to Your Life

2005-02-05T14:46:00.000-08:00

Vanilla and spices aren't just for cooking. The fragrance of vanilla and spices can be a great way to unwind.

Put some cinnamon, cloves, and nutmeg into a saucepan and simmer the spices to create a lovely fragrance.

Dab a few drops of vanilla on a cotton ball and put the cotton ball under your pillow for "sweet dreams".

Season your life and engage all of your senses,

Jo Cavanaugh

Stressed Out? Do Your Possessions Own You?

2005-01-24T11:44:00.000-08:00

Clutter contributes to my level of stress and impacts my feelings of freedom and choice.

I keep a bag near my closet where I put clothing and items that I don't use so I can have a donation when I am called by Salvation Army. I feel so much lighter when I reduce the clutter in my life.

This works for emotions and past hurts as well. Take a few minutes and write down something that is bothering you. Maybe you didn't like the way your conversation went with a family member or neighbor. Write it down.

Wad the paper up into a ball and throw it away. Or burn the paper in the fireplace or barbecue. Doesn't that feel lighter.

Give it a try,

Jo Cavanaugh

Overwhelm Is a Sign to Hit the Pause Button

2005-01-12T09:38:00.000-08:00

I am working on my gratitude these days. While my life hasn't been what I planned, there are so many wonderful moments and surprises to be thankful for.

When you get to a point where you are overwhelmed, stop and take a few minutes to say thank you. Hit the pause button and reflect on what is working. It becomes very easy to focus on problems and faults. Pause and consciously adopt an attitude of thankfulness.

There will always be someone that has a harder life and someone that has it easier. It is always how we view their life. Take time to view your life with gratitude. You see someone else thinks you have the world by the tail.

Take care,

Jo Cavanaugh

Exercise can be Dancing on the Ceiling

2005-01-09T12:38:00.000-08:00

Are you moving? Are you rockin' and a rollin'? Do you walk or get some type of exercise besides reading your emails?

It is very easy when the weather is cold to decide to stay inside and not exercise. May I suggest a quick three to five minute dance around the living room. Boogie to Chuck Berry or Two Step to Willie or Waylon. Just get up and move!

I'm going to put on a Donna Summer record and get back to the 80's with disco. Now where did I put that glitter ball?

Take care,

Jo Cavanaugh

Scented Lotions to Soothe the Soul

2005-01-04T13:15:00.000-08:00

There is no better time to give mini massages to the hands and feet than during the cold and dry weather in January.

Treat yourself and your care receiver to a special hand and body cream. Have someone massage your hands and feet and see how wonderful you feel.

Now share the care and give your care recipient a massage as well. You will have a wonderful memory of care and softer and prettier hands and feet.

Share your favorite scent with me. I like Magnolia and Ginger,

Jo Cavanaugh

Comfort and Joy

2004-12-07T10:57:00.000-08:00

Oh boy, its the holiday season. Everywhere you turn you see expressions of goodwill and advertisements for holiday parties and celebrations. It can be very difficult when you are dealing with a crisis to feel anything but isolation and sorrow.

If that is what you are feeling then don't fall into guilt. Just set a limit. Get your kitchen timer and set it for fifteen minutes. Then allow yourself to feel all of the sorrow or isolation. Release and know that the timer will chime to bring you back.

When I do this exercise I find that I don't need the entire time. Just the release of feeling guilty seems to help. I acknowledge the feelings and then work through them.

Everyone has a blue day or two, its the contrast that makes the sunny days so bright and the happy days so sweet.

Take care,

Jo Cavanaugh